My biggest pet peeve is when a girl says, "I'm not into drama." Why are you even mentioning it?! That's dramatic in itself!

I'm a dude, obviously, and when I'm not in a relationship, I don't do laundry until I want to. But if I live with a girl, you have to do it when she wants to or when we want to, which sucks.

Once I started doing stand-up, everything fell into place. That was when I started acting more; I felt like I'd found my place in the business.

We're the only species that listens to Michael Bublé when we have sex. That's gotta be wrong.

Every guy is different, but just prepare to know him in a different way and be OK with it, because the times I've lived with girls, and I've lived with some very sweet girls, I felt bad that they had to live with me.

Women, tend to talk more than men, and they do this thing where they say things that can easily be shown. Like, they don't need to do that.

I think that men think they need their man caves. They don't really do. They think they want them, and then the second they do get them and they have alone time and time away from the girl, and the girl is really cool with giving them alone time, then that's when they, or at least I, start to think, "So, why are you so cool with me being alone? What's wrong with me that you don't want to be with me every second."