He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.

I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.

For a while he'd tried molding himself into the tragic Romantic hero, brooding and staring clench-jawed off into space as he composed dark verse in his head. But it turned out that trying to appear tragic in Incontinence, Indiana, was redundant, and his mother kept shouting at him and making him forget his rhymes. "Tommy, if you keep grinding your teeth like that, they'll wear away and you'll have to have dentures like Aunt Ester." Tommy only wished his beard was as heavy as Aunt Ester's---then he could stare out over the moors while he stroked it pensively.

So hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, a falafel,or get married or something?

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.

Faith isn't an act of intelligence, it's an act of imagination.

You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems.