The evening papers print what they do and get away with it because by afternoon the human mind is ruined anyhow.

The little Plumpuppets are fairies of beds; They have nothing to do but watch sleepyheads; They turn down the sheets and they tuck you in tight, And dance on your pillow to wish you good night!

It is unfair to blame man too fiercely for being pugnacious; he learned the habit from Nature.

The trouble with wedlock is that there's not enough wed and too much lock.

New York, the nation's thyroid gland.

The man who never in his life Has washed the dishes with his wife Or polished up the silver plate - He still is largely celibate.

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.