In a crisis, my family puts aside all its petty differences and hatreds... Because a crisis, is a perfect opportunity to create *new* petty differences and hatreds! My dad's from that era when you lived to 50, your heart exploded and that was that. You know when you cook bacon and you pour the grease into the can? My dad's the can!
Christopher TitusLadies, if you're at the mall and you think your man is looking at other girls just remember: If your man is at the mall with you... he... loves you.
Christopher TitusDad is a new person. A person who has learned that forgiveness is better then revenge. Next year, we'll teach him that heart attacks are not like women. You just can't keep having them!
Christopher TitusLosing builds character. So, if you're the loser in your family, don't worry. 'Cos twenty years form now, that perfect can do no wrong brother of yours is going to show up at your house, bald, fat, divorced, with six kids who all hate him and he's going to ask you for money. And because of your character, you're going to look him right in the eyes and you're going to say, You know what, I'll give you some money. If you mow my lawn and detail my car. Oh yeah, then you can shampoo the tail. Loser.
Christopher Titus