My mum is in a mental hospital. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. Winston Churchill, Mozart, John Lennon. These people all had a touch of crazy that fuelled their brilliance. They were not locked up for it like my mum. Pft. Then again, Winston Churchill never tried to kill my dad.

I don't tell people I'm white anymore - I'm albino-Cambodian.

Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until the day you die and then some. Mom, there is nothing to forgive. You gave me life. And, hey, you're not crazy anymore. Everybody thinks I am. Real funny, mom.

Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, "Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!"

Pope John Paul didn't die - he pre-boarded.

Whenever you're pissed off, just remember that it's better than being pissed on.

Divorce is just about change, you know. It's God saying, You need a change. And I'm going to make it so your bank account only has change.