I believe life is about balance. My mom was brilliant, yet manipulative. Beautiful, but had more voices in her head than the Wu-Tang Clan. Loves her kids, killed her last husband. I say last husband because you don't get another one after that.

My mom was crazy. And her mom was crazy. And her mom's mom was crazy. Is it my turn? Am I going to live the rest of my life giggling at raindrops, wearing paper slippers ? When I go to dinner with friends, should I not use a fork 'cause I just might snap? Hey, you guys look great. How's the baby?

If you want to do something dangerous... Don't tell your girlfriend!

My parents got divorced. Early and ugly. My mum was nuts so I lived with my dad. We used to play a father/son games. Pin the blame on me, rock, paper, get me another beer, casino night.

They had a big court battle over who got to keep me. Mom won; she made me live with Dad.

When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. I believed everything and everyone. Then, I met my parents!

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.