Normal people, fear the day their parents die. Screwed up people, fear the day their parents kill. My mum killed a guy, at my wedding. So I can pretty much check that off. But, she's my mum. And no matter what she did I just can't walk away from her. She gave me birth. She gave me love. She gave me the ability to make a cigarette fire look like it was started by the hot water heater.

Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire.

My mom had this inate ability. Whatever town my mother moved to, the second she walked into town, she would instantly attract the alpha loser of that town. This guy was not a good guy. This guy was half O.J. Simpson and half O.J. Simpson. Scott Peterson sprinkles on the top, a side of Robert Blake. You know, not a good guy.

Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head.

Oh yeah, I'm mentally screwed up for life. But I look good.

My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad enough to make the paper.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.