I don't tell people I'm white anymore - I'm albino-Cambodian.

Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.

I have a dream! Because I have lived a nightmare.

I am a patriot, and I protest speed limits by exceeding them.

Martha Stewart's a convicted felon and they gave her another television show. What's next, the Scott Peterson Fishing Hour?

If you ask my dad for help... he'll help. Like a vulture helps an over-run armadillo on a Texas highway. One peck at the time.

Benadryl - the seven-dollar babysitter.