Haiti fell over? Who built Haiti? Two of the three little pigs?!
We don't have home movies in my family. We have people's exhibit A.
I am a patriot, and I protest speed limits by exceeding them.
At the end of the Peterson trial, my daughter turns to me and she goes, 'Daddy, are you going to kill Mommy?' 'Oh, honey - that's up to mommy, isn't it?
My father was on the Alcoholics Anonymous wishlist. My mother was on... parole. And lithium.
Dad thinks vengeance is the coolest thing about the Lord. That, and turning water into alcohol.