Mark Twain's Roughing It is a book that many people don't know about, but I highly recommend to anybody at any age.

I'm still astonished that somebody would offer me a job and pay me to do what I wanted to do.

The only time a wife listens to her husband is when he’s asleep.

Fog and smog should not be confused and are easily separated by color.

A comedian is not a person who opens a funny door - he's the person who opens a door funny.

If you make a fool of yourself in front of a cat, he will sneer at you, if you are sober; he will leave the room if you are drunk. If you make a fool of yourself in front a dog, he will make a fool of himself, too.

I have to think as Bugs Bunny, not of Bugs Bunny.