Are these things really better than the things I already have? Or am I just trained to be dissatisfied with what I have now?

The joke is, we all have the same punchline.

Think of spoiled cat food and ulcerated cankers and expired donor organs. That's how beautiful she looks.

It's not enough to be numbered with the grains of sand on the beach and the stars in the sky.

Deliver me from Swedish furniture. Deliver me from clever art. And the phone rang and Tyler answered. "If you don't know what you want," the doorman said, "you end up with a lot you don't." May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. Deliver me, Tyler, from being perfect and complete.

No matter how much you love someone, you still want to have you own way.

A guy's calling to say he's failing algebra II. Just as a point of practice, I say, Kill yourself. A woman calls and says her kids won't behave. Without missing a beat, I tell her, Kill yourself. A man calls to say his car won't start. Kill yourself. A woman calls to ask what time the late movie starts. Kill yourself. She asks, "Isn't this 555-1327? Is this the Moorehouse CinePlex? I say, Kill yourself. Kill yourself. Kill yourself.