That's why I write, because life never works except in retrospect. You can't control life, at least you can control your version.

Everything is funnier in retrospect, funnier and prettier and cooler. You can laugh at anything from far enough away.

The money is in television. Books are not the dominant medium of our time, so fewer people will create them. In a sad way, books have become a form of "comfort food" we expect to lull us to sleep.

Art never comes from happiness.

What they don't teach you in art school is how your whole life is about discovering who you already were.

I'm really glad that I spent my twenties messing around and having disaster after disaster - with people who were doing likewise - because it's really my greatest treasure now.

Love is bullshit. Emotion is bullshit. I am a rock. A jerk. I'm an uncaring asshole and proud of it.