Deliver me from Swedish furniture. Deliver me from clever art. And the phone rang and Tyler answered. "If you don't know what you want," the doorman said, "you end up with a lot you don't." May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. Deliver me, Tyler, from being perfect and complete.

You ever wonder when God's coming back with a lot of barbecue sauce?

Besides, it happens fast for some people and slow for some, accidents or gravity, but we all end up mutilated.

Las Vegas looks the way you'd imagine heaven must look at night.

I know that when a supersexy older girl with hips and breasts and nice hair wants to take off your glasses and to paint you a smoky eye she's merely trying to enroll you in a beauty contest she's already won. It's a kind of slummy, condescending gesture, like when rich people ask poor people where they summer. To me, this smacks of a blatant, insensitive "let them eat cake" type of chauvinism.

Because tanning and steroids are only a problem if you plan to live a long time.

College is like a fountain of knowledge - and the students are there to drink