Ban poetry. And make sure that anyone caught reading it is expelled from school. Then it will acquire the glamour.

Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a brown condom full of walnuts.

I'm certainly not a linguist. I learned what languages I could learn in order to read books and I can't really speak them. I couldn't have stayed out of jail in most of them.

The entrée wasn't tender enough to be a paving stone and the gravy couldn't have been primordial soup because morphogenesis was already taking place.

Perhaps I should have pointed out more often that without her (mother's) guidance and example I might have gone straight from short pants to Long Bay Gaol, which in those days was still in use and heavily populated by larcenous young men who had chosen their parents less wisely.

All I can do is turn a phrase until it catches the light.

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short.