Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.

Experts say men think of sex every 10 seconds... What do they think of in the other nine?

The Benson and Hedges Cup was won by McEnroe ... he was as charming as always, which means that he was as charming as a dead mouse in a loaf of bread.

Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a brown condom full of walnuts.

Like most people who smoked umpteen cigarettes a day, I tasted only the first one. The succeeding umpteen minus one were a compulsive ritual which had no greater savour than the fumes of burning money.

The British secret service was staffed at one point almost entirely by alcoholic homosexuals working for the KGB

I actually didn't like that feeling of being out of touch because what I do depends on being in touch. But it's fun to talk about. That's one of the real dangers of drugs: they're too much fun to talk about.