The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.

They say there are only two kinds of people on St. Patrick's Day: the Irish, and the people that drive them home.

President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to succeed they need to work hard and study hard. Then today, former President George W. Bush presented the rebuttal.

First Lady Michelle Obama has posted an exercise video of her beating up a punching bag. But don't worry, Vice President Biden is going to be OK.

Utah could elect its first black Republican woman to Congress. In other words, Utah finally got one black person and the first thing they want to do is send her to Washington.

A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the womb.'

There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?