In a new videotape message, Texas Gov. Rick Perry urges his supporters to follow him on 'Tweeter.' After hearing about it, John McCain laughed and said, “What an idiot! It's 'The Tweeter.''

Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion.

Donald Trump has fired a campaign adviser for posting racist remarks on Facebook. Isn't that shocking? Donald Trump has a campaign adviser.

Tomorrow night President Obama will announce his new immigration plan. Obama's favorite part of his new immigration plan is that he gets to emigrate to another country. He's tired of all this.

Jeb Bush is getting his presidential campaign in gear. Last week he said he supports a path to citizenship for immigrants. He said, 'I believe in an America where hard work and dedication can lead to any job that your brother and dad once had.'

Pope Francis said that atheists are still eligible to go to heaven. To return the favor, atheists said Popes are still eligible to go into a void of nothingness.

California's 74-year-old Senator Barbara Boxer announced she will not run for re-election in 2016. When I saw the headline '74-Year-Old Boxer,' I assumed they were making another 'Rocky' movie.