In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not remember a single mistake he had made in the last two years. The president's exact quote was: 'I ain't make none mistakes ever.'
Conan O'BrienToday Donald Trump reaffirmed his stance against gay marriage. Trump said marriage is between a rich guy and his much younger third wife.
Conan O'BrienThe nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'
Conan O'BrienIt is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.
Conan O'BrienCalifornia Marijuana farmers are worried that radiation from Japan could affect their crops. Or maybe for some strange reason they're just being paranoid.
Conan O'BrienAs you leave these gates and re-enter society, one thing is certain: Everyone out there is going to hate you. Never tell anyone in a roadside diner that you went to Harvard. In most situations the correct response to where did you go to school is, "School? Why, I never had much in the way of book learnin' and such." Then, get in your BMW and get the hell out of there.
Conan O'Brien