President Obama says he will not support a healthcare plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Apparently, Obama's plan calls for the much quicker pillow option.

Jeb Bush admitted that he smoked a notable amount of pot in school. He said, 'You would too if your parents had named you 'Jeb.'

Donald Trump refuses to give details about his policy plans. Trump apologized by saying, 'When I announced I was running for president, I had no idea people would take me seriously.'

A new poll shows that Tiger Woods' popularity has dropped from 85 percent to 33 percent. President Obama's popularity is also at 33 percent, but Tiger had more fun getting there.

Scientists say they're getting closer to developing a pill to replace exercising. Americans heard this and said that it better come in cool ranch flavor.

Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy, and will be running for president in 2048.

Macy's has severed ties with Donald Trump and no longer will carry his men's wear collection. From now on, men who want to look like Donald Trump will have to hunt and kill their own hair piece.