If I existed 200 years ago, all the other farmers in my community would be like, 'That guy is worthless! He's sitting on a rock, jumping up like a frog, coming up with weird concepts and ideas, making faces, and combing his hair into a giant pastry.' It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.

Earlier tonight the second Republican debate took place here in California. With 10 men and only one woman, everyone thought they were watching 'The Bachelorette.'

John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A new poll shows that Tiger Woods' popularity has dropped from 85 percent to 33 percent. President Obama's popularity is also at 33 percent, but Tiger had more fun getting there.

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.

The Olive Garden is bringing back its 'Pasta Pass,' which lets you eat as much pasta as you want for seven weeks. In a related story, Chris Christie just suspended his campaign.