A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

You know what we can be like: see a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says, 'I'd like you to meet Cecil,' we shout, 'You're late again with the child support!'

In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their pasta puttanesca. By the time the tiramisu arrives, they've slid under the table.

You love somebody, and then you don't love them anymore. But if you really love somebody, you always love them, don't you? Isn't there always some small part of you that reads their horoscope in the paper everyday?

[On her dogs:] I have four now. My friends tell me if I get any more they'll have to hold an intervention.

The only women who don't believe that sexual harassment is a real problem in this country are women who have never been in the workplace.

You can't take away knowledge, and it's dangerous to pretend you never had it.