'I want to touch people but if I touch them in real life they'll slap me.' That's what writing isit's a gross person getting a hug.

Once upon a time, something happened, and it was better than something not happening. The end.

The language we're exchanging, the fillings in our teeth, the pavement on the road outside, everywhere you look, for better or for worse, you're going to see evidence that accepting reality is not a human's tendency, and not what we're good at, and not, in my speculation, what God or Natural Selection hired us to do. We've been hired, by this universe, to dream, to aspire, to make things that weren't real real - and because that involves a lot of failure, we're damn good at doing that, too.

I grew up on network sitcoms. If those are gone when I'm 65 years old, I would never forgive myself for not stepping up to that plate, as often as possible. I'm already bummed out that DVDs are dying off because, in my 20s, those were a huge thing.

Everyone knows that there are more people watching any given show than is being registered by the Nielsen system.

I feel like my life has always been the 'Hey Look at Me Show.' I'm not apologetic about that.

All [tv] shows are like cigarettes. You watch two, you have a higher chance of watching three. They're all addictive.