Always keep in mind that if God didn't want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn't come three to a sleeve.

A good one iron shot is about as easy to come by as an understanding wife.

The golf ball has no sense at all, which is why it has to be given stern lectures constantly, especially during the act of putting.

When Ballesteros triumphed at the British Open in 1979, for his first major win, he hit so few fairways off the tee that he was often mistaken for a gallery marshall.

Regardless of what the tour pros think, golf is a rich and varied game, and what all of us awkward fools do on weekends is what golf is truly all about.

I had always suspected that trying to play golf in the company of big-time pros and a gallery would be something like walking naked into choir practice.

Juanita found herself at Old Jeemy's radio station in a room she could have sworn was a laboratory where creatures with antennas in their heads, knobs for eyes, jagged arms, and dangly legs conducted experiments on the bodies of dead vocalists.