How can you tell somebody who is pursuing happiness that they're somehow not American when that was the very first promise that America made?

A certain tiny percentage of everyone is gay.

You can’t pray away the gay, but you can torture a conflicted closet case to death.

You know, my problem is I cant say no to people, especially people who want to write me checks to do things.

I got picked on a lot, even by teachers too. I liked to listen to musicals and bake, and my homeroom teacher found out and mocked me in front of the whole class for baking.

Ultimately life is disease, death and oblivion. It's still better than high school.

I get letters every year from women who think Valentine's Day is an empty exercise, but are ironically pretty exercised when their boyfriends neglect or forget it.