The Bible is a radically pro-slavery document. Slave owners waved Bibles over their heads during the Civil War and justified it.

The right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness means that each of us is free to go our own way, even if the ways some of us may choose to go seem sinful or shocking to our fellow citizens.

Mother's Day is a torment if your mother is dead. Valentine's Day is a torment if you don't got one. And at some point in our lives, we will be tormented by Valentine's Day even if we're relatively lucky in love.

My dad and mom were more like World War II-era parents, even though it was the 1960s, because they were both born in the '40s. They were young adults before the '60s even happened, and married, and already having kids. But by the time we were adolescents in the '70s, the whole culture was screaming at parents, "You're a good parent if you're open with your kids about sex." They attempted to be open with us about sex, and it made them want to die, and consequently, it made us want to die.

The truly revolutionary promise of our nation's founding document is the freedom to pursue happiness-with-a-capital-H.

Today's unspeakable perversion is tomorrow's kink, is next week's good clean fun

Every American may have equal access to ice cream, but there's no guarantee that the outcome of eating ice cream will be equal.