I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.

...the moron who thought love was forever.

There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap, and it is better to stain the napkin than your clothing. The other is that it can serve as a perfect hiding place. Practically nobody is nosey enough to take the napkin off a lap to see what is hidden there.

You'd think that sweet would be a land far, far away from irritating, but as it turns out they're right next door, and always having border disputes.

She gave me a hug and for a second I was embraced by a body that makes me want to go home and never eat again.

This story is about the Baudelaires. And they are the sort of people who know that there’s always something. Something to invent, something to read, something to bite, and something to do, to make a sanctuary, no matter how small. And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed.

If you enjoy books with happy endings than you are better off reading some other book.