To hear the phrase "our only hope" always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn't work, there is nothing left.

Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding.

There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway.

Never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian wolfsnake near a typewriter.

I know what is going on," said Sir. "I am the Boss! Of course I know!

Take it back, Ed. Take it all back.

Goodness! Golly! Good God! Blessed Allah! Zeus and Hera! Mary and Joseph! Nathaniel Hawthorne! Don't touch her! Grab her! Move closer! Run away! Don't move! Kill the snake! Leave it alone! Give it some food! Don't let it bite her! Lure the snake away! Here, snakey! Here, snakey snakey!