Ambulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices.

I was white. Chalk had more color than I did. And quite possibly more personality.

I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.

He seemed determines, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possible Milk Duds.

Did you get checked out?” “Yeah, by a hot blond who sat in the corner of the bar and made googly eyes at me.” “I meant by a doctor.” “No, but a balding yet bizarrely hot paramedic said I’d be fine." “Oh, and he’s an expert?” “At flirting.

I should’ve known the day was going to turn out bad when it started with my father trying to kill me

Least he's committed," I offered. "Or needs to be.