You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT

When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.

Where you just possessed?" Cookie asked after a long moment, awe softening her voice. "'Cause let me tell you, sweetheart, if that was possession, I'm selling my soul.

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.

Garret Swopes was a lot like a hot gay friend only he wasn't gay, which was too bad because then I could tell him how hot he was without him getting the wrong idea.

I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.

It isn’t the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop.