...But he was a good landlord. When my heater stopped working in mid-December, it took him only two weeks to get it fixed. Of course, it took me knocking on his door in need of a warm place to sleep to get it that way, but one night on his sofa, where I’d suddenly developed night terrors and epilepsy, and that puppy was running like a Mercedes the next day. It was awesome.

...and then she glared at me, the same glare my stepmother used to give me when I gave her the Nazi salute. That woman was so touchy about her resemblance to Hitler.

Man, I want to be someone's forbidden fruit." "Well, you are pretty fruity.

I did that thing where you scratch your eyebrow and flip someone off at the same time. I'm good at multitasking like that.

Whatever makes your balloon red, Swopes.

I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding." I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding internally, I'd know somewhere deep inside? Like, internally?

Since killing people is illegal, can I have a Taser just for shits and giggles? -Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet