I wonder whats wrong with me. Sometimes I just keep wanting to go deeper and deeper into the world of self destruction. Like as if I want to see myself fail completely and disappear.

I'm lonely. What kind of loneliness? Every kind. I feel disconnected. Abandoned. As always. Repetition. So what, my love? So what? At first, I just wanted to run away. Now I have no where else to run to, nothing to run from. I don't belong anywhere, I don't want to go anywhere, I just want to be happy.

I usually want to die or do nothing.

No more running away from something or someone or myself.

I wonder whats wrong with me. Sometimes I just keep wanting to go deeper and deeper into the world of self destruction. Like as if I want to see myself fail completely and disappear.

I feel kinda happy. I discover that you were not leaving or disappearing. It is like you are here, there and everywhere. Just in the air. You taught me about time. I am now learning about space. It seems that both just vanish. It is awesome. Maybe the closest feeling to love.

I need to learn how to stop destroying myself, stop being hard on myself and be nice to myself. I need to keep telling myself that I need to keep wanting something, something nice, something warm[so] I can make other people happy. I can understand other people's pain because I can love even after all that is left of me is gone because I have that strength.