Am I the Irish comedian with half a finger? No, I'm the Irish comedian with nine and a half fingers.

We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock.

I don't go out of my way to be outrageous, I just go out of my way to look at things.

It's the behaviour of your company and its people that form your reputation, and your reputation is your brand

My church accepts all denominations - fivers, tenners, twenties.

Am I the Irish comedian with half a finger? No, I'm the Irish comedian with nine and a half fingers.

A good storyteller never lets the facts get in the way.