We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though these cards is enough to remind you why this great nation, despite all the talk of decline, still leads the world in tranquilizer consumption.
Dave BarryFor most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).
Dave BarryIn the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"
Dave BarryWhy donโt you lift the end?โ said Alf. โItโs me back, Alf,โ complained Mack. โYou know how it troubles me.โ โNo more than mine troubles me,โ said Alf. โBut I said it first,โ said Mack.
Dave Barry