I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

Reading... a vacation for the mind.

Meetings are places where dead ideas rise from their graves and eat the brains of the living.

A critical function that we journalists perform at political conventions is to try to get into parties that we have not been invited to. There are dozens of these parties, sponsored by large corporations with a sincere public-spirited desire to become larger.

For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).

DNA is an abbreviation for deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables.

The thing I have learned, especially in the Internet age, probably the easiest thing in the world is to declare that something is not funny. I mean it's not actually humor to say something is not funny, but it is viewed by a lot of people - and by that I mean mainly snarky young Internet men - as a kind of humor in and of itself is putting down other people's efforts at humor. And I don't care that much anymore about that because I know how easy that is to do.