I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.

Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare.

Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.

I am much more likely to care about someone trying to be funny and give them some credit for whatever he or she did that was remotely funny than I am to be mused by somebody declaring this isn't funny, that isn't funny, this sucks. If you want to write humor, you're going to have to get used to that.

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

What I like best about the telephone is that it keeps you in touch with people, particularly people who want to sell you magazine subscriptions in the middle of the night.