Men have no cause to criticize women about the way they are about weddings. Because men are like that about sports, but it never ends. At least women, after the wedding, say it wasn't that big a deal and they're never going to look at the DVD again. Men never stop being crazy about sports.

Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.

I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.

If you look at photos of the Gettysburg Address there's a guy off to the right who I think is Keith Richards.

Seriously? You won’t help me?” “Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.

Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is like saying that asparagus is 'the most articulate vegetable ever.'

In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.