How come drummers leave their drumsticks on the dashboard of their car? So they can park in the handicapped spaces.

Guilt is cancer. Guilt will confine you, torture you, destroy you as an artist. It's a black wall. It's a thief.

To women, drummers seem like these adorable, sexy Neanderthals, and lead singers seem mysterious and dangerous. So while the lead singers all want to be David Bowie, floating into parties and being the center of attention, it's the drummers who are in the corner doing keg stands and breaking tables. Usually it's the drummers who get the fun-loving ladies and the singers who get the nutcases.

It's funny; recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child.

I'm kind of claustrophobic... It's not even like enclosed spaces. It's like I hate being stuck in one band, you know? Just being stuck is the biggest drag, for fear that, you know, just that you can't get out.

Everybody now thinks that Nashville is the coolest city in America.

Nickelback walks into a bar...there's no punchline because ruining music isn't funny.