Usually, old ladies tell me to find Jesus. Look, I'm just trying to find some chai and a good vegan muffin.

I'm a moron because I don't want to lie in a gutter puking over myself... yeah right

I was the freak who moved into the nice neighborhood.

I just heard a story from someone the other day where somebody was beaten up by Christians for wearing one of our shirts. Of course, that's a very Christian thing to do.

One time I was singing along with a boy that looked like me in the crowd and he pushed away the mic and started making out with me and accidently bit my lip and I had to get stitches.

Personally I have never found the practice of recreational drug use appealing. In fact, I have always found the lifestyle and the people who surround it to be abhorrent.

I've heard there are vegan corn dogs - I don't know if that's true but, jeez, I'd love to eat one of them.