Feelings come and go, unless you don't feel them. Then they stay, and hurt, and grow pear-shaped and weird.

Garry Shandling is someone I've publicly gone gay for, for jokes. Oh and anyone in the Twilight movies. I don't know any of their names, but all of them. The wolves, the vampires? They're all fantastic.

Most journalists expect me to answer all their questions about aliens and spaceships.

I don't want to know what happens in any movie that I go to see.

If somebody says what they want or what they need it gives the person the chance to say yes or no, instead of suffering in silence or depravation or whatever it is.

Everybody gets the tattoo they deserve.

Sometimes when I'm swimming, I think that maybe someday I'll put my red Speedo up for auction. Or maybe I'll donate it to the Smithsonian. They can stuff it with two plums and a gherkin and put it on display.