Nothing can burst your fatherly bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying: 'Some nights I don't know why I even bother to wear panties'.

Nothing can burst your fatherly bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying: 'Some nights I don't know why I even bother to wear panties'.

Whenever my teenage daughter comes down the stairs dressed like a tramp for her date, I think to myself: 'Damn, why won't her mother wear something like that ?'

My friend goes through the wedding section of the Sunday paper looking at the brides-to-be and picks out a Dog-of-the-Week. I think that's cruel toward women. Myself, I look to see who shows the most cleavage.

You can't throw him back because he doesn't meet the legal size limit.

Green clovers. Blue diamonds. Orange Stars. Pink hearts. Purple horseshoes. Man, I never know if I'm looking at a bowl of cereal or having another acid flashback.

I get all excited when I think that someone's 1-900 sex call from a cell phone might be passing through my body right now.