My alma mater is the Chicago Public Library. I got what little educational foundation I got in the third-floor reading room, under the tutelage of a Coca-Cola sign.

When we fear things I think that we wish for them ... every fear hides a wish

The terror and beauty of the dream come from the connection of previously unrelated mundanities of life.

Here's what happens in a play. You get involved in a situation where something is unbalanced. If nothing's unbalanced, there's no reason to have a play. If Hamlet comes home from school, and his dad's not dead and asks him if he's had a good time, it's boring. But if something's unbalanced, it must be returned to order.

The surprise is half the battle. Many things are half the battle, losing is half the battle. Let's think about what's the whole battle.

I'm not the guy to ask about politics. I'm a gag writer.

In a restaurant one is both observed and unobserved. Joy and sorrow can be displayed and observed "unwittingly," the writer scowling naively and the diners wondering, What the hell is he doing?