I'm not the guy to ask about politics. I'm a gag writer.

Being among my people is a delight. We Jews live among ourselves. I love it.

Policemen so cherish their status as keepers of the peace and protectors of the public that they have occasionally been known to beat to death those citizens or groups who question that status.

The so-called assault weapons ban is a hoax. It is a political appeal to the ignorant. The guns it supposedly banned have been illegal for 78 years. Did the ban make them 'more' illegal? The ban addresses only the appearance of weapons, not their operation.

Always do things the least interesting way, the most blunt way, and you make a better movie. This is my experience.

I used to think I'd like to be a fireman - in fact, I still would - and the only drawback I could see was coming back to the firehouse, after a day of fighting fires, and still having to put in an eight-hour day writing.

When we leave the play saying how spectacular the sets or costumes were, or how interesting the ideas, it means we had a bad time.