I'm not the guy to ask about politics. I'm a gag writer.

The audience perceives only what the actor wants to do to the other actor.

A liberal pretending to be a conservative? That's like a straight person pretending to be gay to get greater acceptance.

The product of the artist has become less important than the fact of the artist. We wish to absorb this person. We wish to devour someone who has experienced the tragic. In our society this person is much more important than anything he might create.

I hate the computer. I hate their spell-check. I won't ever do e-mail.

Mixed martial arts was invented by Brazilians, whose families had been trained by the Japanese. Those Brazilians came to the U.S., where their invention was bought out, gussied up and presented to the world, which found it good.

There's no such thing as talent; you just have to work hard enough.