Everybody makes their own fun. If you don't make it yourself, it isn't fun. It's entertainment.

My greatest fear is that the audience will beat me to the punch line.

I know very well what it is to be out of work and to be cheated by employers and I know what it is to be an employer.

Opportunity may knock, but it seldom nags.

The conscious mind is going to suggest the obvious, the cliché, because these things have offered the security of having succeeded in the past.

If you're neurotic and you think, I'm not where I deserve to be or my mother didn't love me, or blah, blah, blah, that lie, that neurotic vision, takes over your life and you're plagued by it 'til it's cleansed. In a play, at the end of the play, the lie is revealed. [T]he better the play is, the more surprising and inevitable the lie is, as Aristotle told us. Plays are about lies.

If the scene bores you when you read it, rest assured it WILL bore the actors, and will then bore the audience, and we're all going to be back in the breadline.