When I think about it, I'm happily bewildered that people will preorder my books They'll preorder me. What a lucky guy!

Whoever opined "Money can't buy you happiness" obviously had far too much of the stuff.

Folks with most to complain about seldom complain most.

Sometimes, comics will make the observation that it's not jokes that are funny, it's characters that are funny. And isn't that true! That's why I always kill jokes. I'm terrible at them, because I get the joke right, but I can't get the character right, and it just goes down like a lead balloon.

The act of memory is an act of ghostwriting.

Teachers're always using that "in your own words." I hate that. Authors knit their sentences tight. It's their job. Why make us unpick them, just to put it back together more shonkily? How're you s'posed to say Kapellmeister if you can't say Kapellmeister?

All revolutions are the sheerest fantasy until they happen; then they become historical inevitabilities.