Amy adored both the new look and the new person it allowed her to be. Following the photo shoot, she wore her bruises to the dry cleaner and the grocery store. Most people nervously looked away, but on the rare occasions someone would ask what happened, my sister would smile as brightly as possible, saying, 'I'm in love. Can you believe it? I'm finally, totally in love, and I feel great.
David SedarisFaced with an exciting question, science tended to provide the dullest possible answer. Ions might charge the air but they fell flat when it came to charging the imagination - my imagination, anyway.
David SedarisShe said, โIโm going to have you fired.โ I had two people say that to me today, โIโm going to have you fired.โ Go ahead, be my guest. Iโm wearing a green velvet costume; it doesnโt get any worse than this. Who do these people think they are? Iโm going to have you fired!โ and I wanted to lean over and say, โIโm going to have you killed.
David SedarisI've wasted a lot of time pretending to be interested in people who weren't terribly interesting.
David SedarisWhen forced to leave my house for an extended period of time, I take my typewriter with me, and together we endure the wretchedness of passing through the X-ray scanner. The laptops roll merrily down the belt, while Iโm instructed to stand aside and open my bag. To me it seems like a normal enough thing to be carrying, but the typewriterโs declining popularity arouses suspicion and I wind up eliciting the sort of reaction one might expect when traveling with a cannon. Itโs a typewriter,โ I say. โYou use it to write angry letters to airport security.
David Sedaris