The good thing about England - like, if I were in France, all people would be doing is rubbing my nose in Donald Trump. As if I voted for him. Just rubbing my nose in him. And in England, they'd be rubbing my nose in it too, except for Brexit. So that means they can't rub my nose in anything!
David SedarisThe only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin "Tubby" Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole.
David SedarisThank god I'm in England, because if I lived in any other country, it'd probably be the Philippines. Because with Rodrigo Duterte as the leader they couldn't really give me attitude on Donald Trump.
David SedarisI had paid for my folly and, as a reward, was invited to take part in the nest builderโs performance piece. The script was great. โWhen I bleat here, do you want me to just bleat or to really let go and โbleat, bleatโ?โ I asked. โI feel like โbleat, bleating,โ but if Mother/Destroyer is going to be crawling through the birth canal of concertina wire, I donโt want to steal focus, you know what I mean?
David SedarisI've wasted a lot of time pretending to be interested in people who weren't terribly interesting.
David SedarisAs I searched the atlas for somewhere to run to, Hugh made a case for his old stomping grounds. His first suggestion was Beirut, where he went to nursery school. His family left there in the midsixties and moved to the Congo. After that, it was Ethiopia, and then Somalia, all fine places in his opinion. 'Let's save Africa and the Middle East for when I decide to quit living,' I said.
David Sedaris