Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.

When asked "What do we need to learn this for?" any high-school teacher can confidently answer that, regardless of the subject, the knowledge will come in handy once the student hits middle age and starts working crossword puzzles in order to stave off the terrible loneliness.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.

There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.

I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.

College is the best thing that can ever happen to you," my father used to say, and he was right, for it was there that I discovered drugs, drinking, and smoking.