The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain old-fashioned fear.

People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country.

I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.

Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems were for alcoholics, and Mores were for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren't.

When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening.

I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.