Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head.

I spent months searching for some secret code before I realized that common sense has nothing to do with it. Hysteria, psychosis, torture, depression: I was told that if something is unpleasant it's probably feminine. This encouraged me, but the theory was blown by such masculine nouns as murder, toothache, and rollerblade. I have no problem learning the words themselves, it's the sexes that trip me up and refuse to stick.

Maybe one day, I would write a story about arguing in public, and those would come in handy in some way.

To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.

I think it's good to have the alone time. Well, I kind of have to, because I have to be alone in order to work, so I have alone time. And then I go on tour and I have being-around-people time.

Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered.