Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it.

But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure.

There is still the outside world to contend with. A world of backfiring cars, and their human equivalents.

Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in my diary for hours if I feel like it. And I'm still sober so I can write the stories that I'm working on, and I can sit at the desk as long as I need to. So that changed a lot, I think.

I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.

I like high school and college writing textbooks and find them very helpful. Whenever I'm stuck and seem to have no ideas, I open one up and turn to the back. There I'll find questions like, "Have you had any experiences with an alcoholic or a sailor?"

I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.