She said, โIโm going to have you fired.โ I had two people say that to me today, โIโm going to have you fired.โ Go ahead, be my guest. Iโm wearing a green velvet costume; it doesnโt get any worse than this. Who do these people think they are? Iโm going to have you fired!โ and I wanted to lean over and say, โIโm going to have you killed.
David SedarisIt was my friend Frank, a writer in San Francisco, who finally set me straight. When asked about my new look he put down his fork and stared at me for a few moments. "A bow tie announces to the world you can no longer get an erection."
David SedarisSallie Mae sounds like a naive and barefoot hillbilly girl but in fact they are a ruthless and aggressive conglomeration of bullies located in a tall brick building somewhere in Kansas. I picture it to be the tallest building in that state and I have decided they hire their employees straight out of prison.
David SedarisWhen you go to that other country you realize that in France and in England, you don't ask somebody what they do for a living when you meet someone. A lot of the obvious things, the shortcuts we take in America - in America you can talk about money all you want. You can ask how much they make, rent they pay, how much their house costs and how much their car costs, and they'll feel comfortable telling you. But it's scandalous to ask anyone in England or France a question like that.
David Sedaris